I’ve begun another edit of Rain. I’m going through one of the returned Tessa Duder manuscripts with a bright pen and marking changes, deletions and errors. So far I have found lots, and every time I mark something I think “this is why I didn’t do better, this here.” or “no wonder” or “man, this sucks.”
I’m not feeling the passion for writing, that’s not back yet, but a certain pragmatism is back and that’s why I’m back into things. Here’s the train of reasoning: I cannot get published unless I submit my work. I cannot submit my work at the moment, because it needs polishing. If I want to be published, and I do, I must edit and polish until I’m happy with the work again. Then I can submit it.
I am sufficiently removed from the manuscript, because I haven’t looked at it since October last year, but there are still emotions attached to it. Mostly the bad ones like failure and rejection. I just have to ignore those and keep on working on it. I do still believe in the book, but I also kind of hate it. I think this is relatively normal in terms of writing a novel, but I dunno. I’ve never felt this passionately angry about a book before, and that probably makes sense, given how passionately into it I was when I was writing it.
So, although it really doesn’t sound like it, this post is to tell you all that I have hope and I am editing, which is working on my writing, and hopefully, slowly, obtaining my dream.