Army of Darkness (1992)

Army of Darkness
Directed by Sam Raimi
Written by Sam ad Ivan Raimi
(number 380)

Okay this is going to be another of these movies which is only on here for the nostalgia of men of a certain age, isn’t it? Oh, it’s a third place sequel…and the second film in the series is in the top 100? Eh, I’m watching this now anyway.

I don’t have nostalgia for this film, in fact I have never seen it before. In the 90s I was too much of a fraidy cat to watch stuff like this. I would skirt the horror aisle of the video shop, sort of fascinated by the art on the covers but not nearly brave enough to rent or watch any of them. Once I was past 18 I was too interested in arty films like Clerks or Before Sunrise so I didn’t watch them then either. Possibly my lack of ever doing the stoner thing also feeds into this. Video Nasties just generally ain’t my thing, unless I’m watching something like Troll 2 with friends and we’re all making fun of it.

Its an early 90s cheesy horror, totally corny special effects and shoddy over the top acting. Weird moments that make no sense, such as Ash being able to catch his chainsaw on his arm stump in mid air while being attacked by zombie. The mini-Ash sequence was unsettling but mostly because it gave me flashbacks to a play called The Pillow Man, and was weirdly Freudian when he consumed himself. Then it went to creepy body horror and I noped out. This story made very little sense.

Sam Raimi is responsible for a lot of cult entertainment, including other horror movies and Xena and Hercules: the legendary journeys as an executive producer or producer. Actually there’s a lot of similar cheesiness between this and Hercules now that I know that.

Does it make me love the people? neh. I dunno, I liked that Ash was happy to scream with fear and generally get thrashed, but he’s such a cartoon character with sex jokes, being poked up the nose by a skeleton and shaking his distorted face until it goes back to it’s regular shape. It’s not about a human character or understanding, it’s a comedic horror romp and there’s no need for proper humans in that.

Bechdel test: don’t be silly. Girls are just there to gasp at the awesomeness which is Bruce Campbell and be kissed by him/serve him or turn sort of ugly when evil.

Best line: Klaatu Barada …necktie

State of Mind: Look, I’m glad that movies like this exist, because they’re the grandparents of cool stuff like Cabin in the Woods and Dead Snow and Tucker and Dale vs Evil but… urgh. I don’t want to have to watch them. This was poorly written and poorly acted. There were stop motion skeletons and not in a good way. Eh, well at least now I’ve seen it. A piece of crap, says I.

Watched movie count

Spiderman 2 (2004)

Spiderman 2
Directed by Sam Raimi
Written by Alvin Sargent based on a screen story by Michael Gough, Miles Miller and Michael Chabon based on comics by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko (phew)
(number 414)

Marvel before they really knew what they were doing with movies. Eternally fresh faced Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker and a young James Franco as Harry, the character everyone wants to punch. Oh wait, that’s just me wanting to punch James Franco. Fred Mollina as Doc Ock, which is very interesting casting to me. He brings a very good gravitas to the movie which I think is needed up against Tobey’s earnestness.

The main story line deals with Peter trying to do too much and therefore failing at everything. Being hopelessly in love with Mary Jane, who seems to return his feelings despite dating someone else and never actually asks him about it, and of course, Doc Ock’s transformation from serious scientist to insane super villain.

Doc Ock is actually pretty terrifying in this. I watched it with Anna who had never seen these movies before and she found it highly disturbing, especially the scene where the arms kill all the surgeons trying to separate them from Otto. It’s very graphic.

On the up side, Jeff Winger has a cameo as the guy who refuses to loan money to Aunt May at the bank. So there’s that. Yay Community! #SixSeasonsandaMovie

Ah, anyway. The script is a bit simplistic for me, I remember loving this movie when it first came out but I guess there just wasn’t the same level of quality in superhero films at the time. Now it feels very plasticky and false, every point hammered home in about ten different ways to make sure you really got it. Lots of redundant lines to ensure the message is received by an audience who the script writer assumes can’t pick up any nuances?

Does it make me love the people? I guess so. The characters are kinda simplistic but they are loveable.

The best scene is when he catches a lift with a random guy and he over shares about his costume. It’s like he was nervously trying to pick up random guy but then shared too much about his jock itch and blew it.

Mary Jane is mostly a damsel in distress but she has a good moment at the end when she calls him on his bullshit and says she should be able to make up her own mind about whether they should be together. Then she says some creepy shit about how she’s always been standing in his doorway and Anna said ‘creepy’ and then we laughed over the rest of the touching scene, imagining stalker MJ.

I can’t love James Franco’s character. I just want to punch him in the face too much.

Bechdel test: Uhm, well, Aunt May asks Mary Jane to help her out in the kitchen and she responds, I think. Louise and Mary Jane speak in the play ‘Importance of Being Earnest’ and also talk to each other before the play although it’s sort of kind of about Peter. After the play there is an interchange ‘sure you don’t want to come tonight?’ ‘yeah, I’m sure’ although the dialogue is mastered down some, it is there. So I think it scrapes through, but it feels like it barely does.

Best line:
J. Jonah Jameson: I WANT SPIDER-MAN!
(This movie just straight up needs more gay)

State of Mind: I liked this movie a lot more in 2004. Now it’s a good, shiny plastic to put on and do craft to while paying half attention.

Watched movie count